


Coming Back

by KyberChronicles



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, F/M, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Short One Shot, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 17:41:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10667598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyberChronicles/pseuds/KyberChronicles
Summary: A cold hand wrapped around his, and he flinched hard, gasping for air.“Cassian, it’s Jyn.  Do you know where you are?”Cassian returns from a mission.





	Coming Back

One.

 

Two. 

 

_ He was only eleven years old, in the wrong place and the wrong time.  He idolized Captain Willix, was always following at his heels and asking questions.  A flicker of betrayal had flashed through his eyes before fading away into nothingness.  He had clutched Cassian’s bicep as he died. _

 

Three.

 

Four.

 

_ “Thank god,” she breathed.  “I was starting to wonder if they’d send help at all.” _

 

_ “They didn’t,” he replied.  His aim was sure; she died quickly. _

 

Five.

 

Six.

 

_ He watched a young mother kiss her young son goodbye.  The boy ran off, perhaps to school.  The woman entered the building, waving hello at another young girl who was entering with her.  The door closed behind them. _

 

_ “Light it up, Andor,” came a voice from his comm. _

 

_ “Copy,” he answered.  He closed his eyes as he pressed the detonator.  The factory exploded.  He could feel the heat on his face. _

 

Seven.

 

Eight. 

 

_ “Cassian! Corra!”  _

 

_ Blasterfire erupted around and above him.  He could hear screaming, and he was shoved back and forth by people fleeing the protest.   _

 

_“Papá?  Papá?” he called out, frantically.  There was no answer.  He pushed against the crowd, trying to get back to his father.  Then he tripped over something soft, scraping his knees bloody when he fell to the ground.  When he looked back to see what he had fallen over, he saw a body laying in a pool of red.  Its face was turned towards him, and Cassian felt terror course through him as he saw his father’s eyes, so similar to his own, gazing lifelessly at him._

 

Nine.  

 

Te--

 

“Cassian.”

 

A cold hand wrapped around his, and he flinched hard, gasping for air.

 

“Cassian, it’s Jyn.  Do you know where you are?” 

 

Jyn.   _ Jyn. _

 

_ In the rain, he watched her body fly through the air, the platform exploding under the attack from the rebel fleet.   _

 

_ No! _

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay.  Listen to my voice.  You are in our U-wing, in the hangar, at the rebel base on Hoth.  You’ve just returned from a mission with Kaytoo.”

 

_ “Locking the vault door now. Goodbye.” _

 

_ Kay! _

 

“Shhh, he’s fine.  You rebuilt him while recuperating from Scarif, remember?”

 

_ His side blossomed with pain and fire, and he lost his grip.  He was falling.   _

 

_ “Cassian!”  _

 

_ His breath whooshed out of him as his back collided with metal, hard.  But the fall continued. _

 

_ Then, finally, darkness. _

 

“Look at me.  Look at me, Cassian.  Come on, you can do it,” Jyn said, her voice trembling.

 

The pull of his memories resisted, threatening to drown him with the horrors of his past.

 

But then there were cold fingers on his jaw, his cheeks, his forehead; pushing his hair away from his face, wiping away his tears, distracting him.  

 

“Come on,” Jyn pleaded.  “Come back to me.”

 

The cold fingers were back on his hands, carefully pulling them away from where they were clutching the arms of the pilot’s seat.  

 

“We’ll do the five senses, all right?  Touch first,” Jyn whispered.  She stepped slowly into his space, nudging apart his legs so she could kneel between them on the floor at his feet. She took his hands and raised them to her cheeks, turning and pressing a quick kiss to one of his palms.  Then she moved him to her neck and let his hands rest there, hers over his.  Cassian’s fingers twitched against her soft skin. 

 

“Talk to me.  Focus.  What do you feel?” Jyn asked.  

 

He was silent for a long moment.  Then he moved one of his thumbs to caress her jaw, felt her lean into his touch.

 

“Jyn,” he breathed.  

 

“That’s right.  It’s me, and I’m real, and you’re here with me,” she said, nuzzling into his palm.  “Now, what do you hear?”

 

Cassian concentrated, his brow furrowed, trying to hear past the screams in his memory.  

 

“Machinery.  Talking.  Engines.  Droids.  Comm links.  And… your breaths,” he answered.  

  
“Good.  That’s the hangar you hear in the background.  You landed a few minutes ago and Kay came to get me.  You’re still in the ship,” she reminded him.  “What do you smell?”

 

He sniffed deeply, ignoring the phantom scent of blood in the air.

 

“Oil. Engine fumes. Y-Your soap.  And… bacta?”

 

His eyes flew open-- he hadn’t even realized he had closed them-- and connected with hers.  Jyn was smiling at him. The sight cut clearly through the fog in his mind.

 

“Relax, I just cut my hand while doing repairs,” she explained.  “But I guess this means we can move on to sight.”

 

“I see you,” he told her, hoarsely. He pulled his hands out from underneath hers and grabbed her arms, roughly pulling her up towards him and into his lap.  She blushed as she straddled him-- this was all still so new, to both of them.  

 

“Cassian,” she murmured.  “Someone will see.”

 

He pulled her closer, pressing his forehead to her heart and clutching the material of her jacket where his hands lay on her back.  

 

“Let them,” he mumbled, feeling shame for himself overtaking the panic.  But he’d never be ashamed of her.

 

Jyn sighed, carding her fingers into his hair.  A small noise of pleasure escaped his mouth, unbidden.

 

“I’m going to kill Draven,” she told him, her voice laced with real threat.

 

Cassian stayed silent, not knowing what to say.

 

“You can do  _ other  _ things for the Rebellion, you know.  You don’t have to kill for it.  Or at least not how he’s having you do it, like you’re some sort of hitman.  Look what it’s doing to you.”

 

He had flinched at her words, and Jyn pushed him up against the back of the chair so she could see his face.

 

“Cassian?” she asked, concerned.

 

He gazed up at her and wondered how all the horrible things he had done had led to her, to  _ this _ .  He felt utterly unworthy of her, this woman who brought so much light to his darkness.  She was the only one who could bring him back, who could redeem him.  He hated himself for putting that on her, but the only solution now was to do everything he possibly could to even begin to deserve her.

 

“You forgot the last sense,” was all he said, however, and watched a smile raise itself on her lips like a sunrise.

 

“Ah yes,” she said.  “Taste.”

 

When she bent down to kiss him, the memories finally faded away to a much more preferable present.

  
And perhaps, one day, a future.  He certainly hoped so.

**Author's Note:**

> FYI: Both the counting and the five senses methods are actually used to help bring PTSD-affected folks out of their flashbacks. 
> 
> Also, I know that it's generally known that most people who are experiencing any kind of anxiety or panic attack don't like to be touched, but it is definitely not the case with everyone (and yes, I'm speaking from experience).
> 
> Come say hi on Tumblr- "KyberChronicles". Thanks for reading!


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